Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bicycle Bumper Stickers

If bikes had bumpers on which to stick things, I would plaster mine with some of the following phrases, inspired by innumerable micro-moments I've experienced while commuting back and forth to work. The sub-title to this could be "Retorts to the (mostly unsaid) thoughts of car-drivers, as implied by their driving and/or emotive glares from behind the windshield."

1) "Thanks, but I *do* own a car; I choose to bike instead."
2) "I sure hope you weren't planning to apply for a job from me (yes, I'm hiring!)"
3) "Why no, I do not believe your [penis|breasts] appear larger when you [insert sophomoric car-driving action here]."
4) "Yes, thanks, I do like to think I own the road (at least the tiny piece I'm occupying, over here on the edge of it.)"
5) "I'm sorry, I didn't notice that your [Hummer|Porsche|BMW|PoS] is secretly an [emergency vehicle|tank|starship|jet fighter]."
6) "So exactly what part of my six blinking lights, bright yellow vest, and innumerable reflectors did you not see?"

Feel free to tack "you selfish pork-face" on the end of any of these!

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