I'm really sorry for not reacting more maturely to your nearly killing me with your car.
I'm sure that you didn't intentionally make a right turn into your driveway so close to me that, had I not braked and swerved, I would surely have been crushed under the wheels of your automobile. Probably my suggestion of a creative but improbable use of your presumed anatomical features was uncalled for, and for that I apologize. I was incited to this level of reaction by your assertion that you "didn't believe you came very close" and that "in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal" to be nearly run over and killed.
Surely it wasn't the cell phone on which you were talking at the time that distracted you from seeing my incredibly bright taillight, my reflective clothing, the electroluminescent wire festooning my bike's frame, the two glowing-green lights spinning in my bike's wheels, and my brighter-than-the-sun headlamp. And I recognize that it takes additional coordination to both talk on the phone and use the turn signals (except you didn't seem to bother with that part) while managing to turn into your driveway, all at the same time, without so much as colliding with anything except, almost, with a cyclist.
So you're quite right, Dear Sir, to respond to my calm inquiry as to what possible reason you might have had for coming so close to running me over by saying that you had nothing to say to me. That's OK. I didn't really expect you to interrupt your important phone call (which you didn't, anyway, while we conversed in your driveway.) I just wanted to share with you why I really had been hoping for more, riding down the festively-lit street full of Christmas cheer. It all looked so happy and full of the Christmas spirit - you know, goodwill to all, tidings and cheer, neighborly.
But Dear Sir, I noticed, those festive lights belong to your neighbors, and their neighbors, and really most all of the other houses in the neighborhood, but not yours. I'm sure your importance (as evidenced by the need to be on the phone at all times) precludes participating in the holiday spirit. Or perhaps, you've been so beaten down by the ever-present holiday trappings of your neighbors, since they have now been up for all of two days. So I will gladly cut you some slack and assume that your blasé response to my query was just because you were busy and not paying attention to anything around you, including me on my bike.
After all, I ride by your house twice a day, every single workday. I'm sure I'll have lots of good chances to observe your progression into madness, delusion, and self-loathing as the Christmas cheer merrily eats into your brain.
I do hope you'll accept my sincerest apologies for not having more patience, and
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